Teaching while Grieving: How to function while coping with the loss of a loved one

In February I had to face the one thing a person doesn’t want to do – say goodbye to their parent. My dad had been sick for a very long time; his health was not great, and in the end, he didn’t take very good care of himself. In January we admitted him into the hospital after falling ill one evening; ending exactly one month to the day, one month later. The three days leading to his death I was out of the classroom meeting with doctors because there were plans for him to undergo surgery; everything was fine… until that Thursday before he passed. He suddenly took a turn for the worse; doctors encouraged us to make those phone calls.

On the day he died, I was devastated. But something kicked in (adrenaline most likely), and I began to plan for the week that I would be away on bereavement. Our principal kept sending text messages telling me to not send in lesson plans, and to focus on family. Colleagues continuously checking in to make sure that I was ok. I ended up sending in plans, but in the end… my sub was absolutely wonderful and did everything. I also have the most amazing colleagues who took time out of their schedule to help teach and make sure my students knew what they were supposed to be doing.

The week after my dad passed, I decided to come back. Bereavement time was up and I felt that getting back into my classroom would help. I was wrong.

By the third day I was still feeling lost, overwhelmed, and exhausted. I ended taking the last two days of the week off. I came back, what I felt as “refreshed”, the following Monday. Only still feeling lost, overwhelmed, and exhausted. As soon as I walked into the school I immediately met with the principal and told him that I couldn’t continue. I needed more time away to deal with my emotions and to understand the scope of what took place. I could hear words of my dad echoing in my ear – “take care of yourself… if you don’t, you’ll end up sick.” While my dad’s health wasn’t that great, and he knew it; he always made sure that everyone else took better care of themselves. Exactly like me. I make sure that others are always put before me. I could not longer do that. I needed to take care of myself before I ended up lying on the floor unable to move, like Izzy in Grey’s Anatomy.

Those four extra days was what I needed. I processed his death, I cried, I slept (for nearly two whole days), and I remembered the good times. I sat on the couch catching up on missed shows, Netflix, and Days of our Lives. We stress the importance of good mental health to our students, but I wasn’t heeding my own words. I knew that being in the classroom too soon after his death wasn’t making me a good teacher for my students.

It was there on the couch where I found this video from CJ Reynolds – How to Teach While Heartbroken. His words put everything into perspective. I realized that going back to soon wasn’t the best idea; and even thought my heart was in the right place, I just wasn’t ready to teach while heartbroken.

I finally went back to work the week before Spring Break. Colleagues and my students welcomed me back, ensuring that we would take it one day at a time. It took a while for me to get back into my groove – assignments piled up for weeks (and that is ok!), and sometimes we had brain breaks more often than we usually do.

I just want to say that nothing is truly going to prepare you for teaching while heartbroken. You may have extra work planned for emergencies, but some of you may not. Just know that it is okay to feel lost, overwhelmed, and exhausted. It is okay to not go back to work. It’s okay for your students to work on one unit for two months because you had to deal with a gripping loss. It’s okay for you to not get through everything you wanted to. Things like this happen. Know that you’re a good teacher, and a good person. Know that you’re loved, and that there are people in your corner who want to help. Accept that help, even if you don’t want to.

Take the time off to grieve. And know that it is okay to teach while heartbroken. Please make sure that there are supports to help you through this tough time.